The Unsung Hero
Proclaiming My Mind For Him

Why the Internet cannot spawn Love

So I’ve been on this forum for a while. I’ve made some friends n stuff so that’s cool, I guess. But there’s two people by which have grown to be more rather good friends to me. That’s cool, but something rather unexpected happened. Apparently, the one male friend has become infatuated enough with one female friend that he believes he loves her . . . I was taken by surprise.

So I decided to help the kid out by telling him he is wrong in his feelings toward our other friend. So here’s what I wrote because it applies to christianity in some fashion because the kid’s also christian. We’re all 17, but I”m the oldest by a few months so I’ve been seen as the wiser of the 3. Here’s what I wrote to him, I’m not gonna edit much any of it because it took me  over 2 hours to write all of and another 30 minutes to edit it. Enjoy.

EDIT: I did end up taking out a bunch of HTML phrases cuz it just made this entire thing look stupid. So I made it all colorful so it doesn’t look too boring. I had the decency to do that for my friend so I figure why not do it for the half dozen people who are actually going to read this.

EDIT:EDIT: I am now very angry. I wasted 5 hours writing all of this, editing it, saving it, posting it here, editing it AGAIN, and now adding some tags . . . I’m too much of a perfectionist, darn it.

 

 The Problem:

*sigh*, i have a problem. you seem like a nice guy so i’ll tell you. i’m in love with es. why must my first love be with a girl that lives in germany? i believe she also feels the same way…. i’m coming to you for some advice.

 

My Response:

Rule #30

There are no girls on the internet.

 

jk

 

Anyways, I will make my point right off the bat and be very blunt about it.

 

No You’re Not

 

 

Now that that’s out of the way, I will tell you why you are not in “love“. Now, I must stress that I really went in-depth into this. I made this much longer than I meant it to. I could have just said a few sentences and be done with it, but that wouldn’t justify my opinion. My advice. I chose to write all of this because I don’t want you to mess up. I am being a friend here by giving you my full, honest opinion. I am not sugar coating it. You’re a guy. I expect you to read this and not be offended by any of it, or at the very least, not yell at me for writing my full honest opinion. I’m just trying to be a good friend. I gave up going to a friend’s house just to write all of this. So know that I am not trying to ridicule or laugh. I’m being upfront about it. So please enjoy and I hope this helps.

 

NOTE:I made stuff colorful n junk so you don’t get bored to death.

 

First off, this is teh IntErnetZ.

There are only a few ways by which people can comunicate with each other via the internet.

 

1. Audio stream

People who run podcasts n such talk to each other via websites like Stickam where you talk to others through a mic.

 

2. Video

This usually comes in the form of a video response. The problem is that there is a delay in which it is recieved.

 

3. Text

This is the most common form. It is seen on Myspace, Facebook, YouTube, blogs and internet Forums (like this one).

 

A Forum allows for delayed responses spanning from a few seconds to a weeks and, in some cases, months. Meaning, you can send someone a message and possibly get a response a few days later and continue the conversation as if there was no delay. People quickly realize that they are given a large time span in which to respond to a message. What this results in are people who carefully thinking about exactly what they want to say before responding.

 

This is quite different from an actual conversation because you are given the opportunity of fully thinking out your response, if at least for a few seconds.

 

Now then, I’ll go more personal here.

I remember when the 3 of us first met. It was on her thread. Mind you that I originally never intentioned to give in to post in her thread because I saw it as for those who have never seen a girl on the internet before. So you’re lucky I did post there or you might be making a serious mistake here. Anyways, it seems the 3 of us have gotten along just fine. It wasn’t just two guys talking to a girl, but rather 3 friends talking to each other. That is something that I see as unique for internet Forums. People can talk to each other no matter what the distance is.

 Now this brings me to my first concrete point, but it is not a major reason as to why I am telling you that this will never work.

 

*You are in Cali while she is aaaaallllllll the way in Germany (or Alemania, as I like to say it.)

 

She is in Germany. You are in California.

She is in Europe. You are in the United States of America.

She’s in the Eastern Hemisphere. You’re in the Northen Hemisphere.

 

I don’t see a need to further explain this point.

 

My next point is completely based off of personal opinion. Meaning, I will make assumptions and generalizations about your interaction with the opposite sex. Please excuse me if I make outlandish or absurd assumptions, but I am merely trying to make a point. This does not mean I view you this way. It is souly to support this point.

 

*You lack interaction with girls and possibly people in general.

You have mentioned before that you are homeschooled. You have mentioned that you are a christian. You have even said you have trouble with talking to girls. All of this may be due to the fact that you lack interaction with girls.

I know a group of brothers that were/are homeschooled. The two elder bro’s are somewhat quiet, but they talk to me like nothing else. They don’t like big grouped settings. They prefer to only talk to their friends than strangers they don’t know. Luckily, I am their friend. Now then, the younger of the three is 16 years old. He lacks some social skills. For one, he doesn’t know curse words. He knows what words they are, but when someone says them, he freezes up and looks around nervously. Next, he does not talk to girls other than his 3 sisters. He can’t talk to girls because he never interacted with people because he was homeschooled.

What I am trying to say here is that being homeschooled limits your social skills to at least some extent.

This leads to the next part of the point. I am assuming that you know people outside of you’re family. More so, I am assuming that you go to a church. I am assuming that you might be attending a youth group. If you are attending a youth group, then that eliminates some aspects of you lacking interaction with people. But youth group and church allow you to see friends you’ve made there only a few times out of the week. Social skills are formed there, but not like a public, christain or private school where you interact with people on a day to day basis and I mean people you’re age. Back on topic. You have said you are christian. You have said that your parents protect you from certain things. For instance, words like “kinky”.

If you don’t know what kinky means then you most likely don’t know about stuff like sex. Not so much the act of sex, but everything that goes along with it. I am bringing this up because it supports the idea that you are a good, faithful christian. That is always a good thing, but that is more so due to ignorance (stupid does not equal ignorance). This ignorance may have led to limitations like how you approach girls.

 

Everyone reaches the age where they start to be attracted to girls. Hormones are developing and changing. This causes boy’s to hit something called puberty.

A regular 13 year old boy sees a girl walking down the hall. The girl is 16. She has a very sensual figure and gourgeous face. The boy is at a distance where he can see the girl from head to toe. She walks by and the boy looks at her butt. In his mind, he is most likely thinking

“Oh Hotness! I wanna bang you!”

A 13 year old christian boy sees a girl walking down the hall. The girl is 16. She has a very sensual figure and gourgeous face. The boy is at a distance where he can see the girl from head to toe. She walks by and the boy looks at the back of her head. In his mind he is most likely thinking,

“Wow . . . she’s beautiful . . .”

Notice the difference? I see you as the second boy. From what you post on this forum, I can see that you are a nice guy. A nice christain guy. You see beyound the things most guys look for in a girl. You focus on personality which supports beauty. But most nice guys can’t talk to girls. Why? I don’t really know. You have said yourelf that you couldn’t tell if a girl liked you even if you were talking with her. You don’t want to risk screwing up the good relationship you see in your mind so it clouds you’re thinking when speaking with a girl. In real life, it seems like you can’t really talk to girls. But talking to a girl over the internet eliminates the problem of directly speaking to a girl, face to face. This is why the lack of talking to girls can be nullified when it’s over the internet and you can’t see the girl. It puts you in a calmer setting where you can properly think out your responses and not act like a bumbling fool. This may be your first real in-depth relationship with a girl. Meaning, you have made a friend (who happens to be female) and you are actually communicating with her through possible lengthy discussion. Something that probably wasn’t happening in person.

My next point, which is probably the weakest of them all, must be said. If only because I must say it just in case you haven’t thought about it.

 

*You don’t know how she looks like in real life.

She could be fat, skinny, hot, ugly, slender, beautiful, portly or even a guy in disguise. You never know on the internet. The only way of verify what she actually looks like is through a picture. Better evidence would be a video. This doesn’t really matter, but it must be said. I guarantee that most guys will stop talking to a girl on the internet if they find out that the girl is not what they expected her to be. Just saying.

 

*Misinterpretation, my dear boy.

 

Are you sure you’re not misinterpretating her responses? This is the internet. We are limited by what we write. If I try to make something sound sarcastic, it might sound like I’m very angry to others. You can’t read emotions over the internet, at least not entirely. If I said, “I ❤ you” to a friend of mine on the internet, then it can be interpreted three ways. Either I meant it, I was simply joking around or I meant it on a friend level. Knowing that you’re talking to a girl can also skew your sense of judgement when reading her responses. The simple fact that you are talking to a girl can cloud up your mind and make you think one phrase had a hidden meaning of “I love you”. We all misinterpret stuff. It happens.

 

This is something that I feel very strongly about. I have a very critical view on “love”. I will not preach to you or go too lengthy on this subject. This thing’s already far longer than I wanted to make it.

 

*Do you really comprehend the meaning of love?

 

I was 5 years old when I thought I was first in love. I look back at that and know that it certainly wasn’t love. The last time I really believed  I was in love was when I was about 14. I was crazy about this girl to the point where I thought I was in love with her. I look back at things and know, without a doubt, that I was not in love. As of recently, I have been looking more in-depth of what love really is. I’ve read the Bible and talked to people about it. But through my own critical analysis, I’ve established a concrete idea of what I truely believe love is. I know that without a doubt in my mind that I am still too young to feel love for a girl. I can like a girl, but I that doesn’t mean I love her. The word “love” is the most intense word you can tell the girl you deeply care for. Love is beyound simple flowers and candy. It’s beyound the first kiss. It’s beyound marriage. It’s showing to the one you love that you are completely committed to her. That you would do anything for her. You would give up your house, family, friends and even life for the sake of keeping the one you love close. You are willing to submit and show your true self. No lies. No masking yourself. You show her who you are. By doing this, you are without a doubt, in your most vulnerable state. By revealing all of this, you are surrendering your will to her. She can take this and treasure it forever along with you or use it to utterly destroy you. The love cherishes her. Her entire body and mind. I will not go more in-depth here.

Read the books of Corinthians to find out more about what love really is. After that, read the Book of Solomon. That gives the most descrpitive form of what love is. How we view the body of our lover and how we should cherish it. What you believe is true love is different than from what I think it is. I didn’t say all I wanted to say on this subject because I purposely limited what I said. I did that for a reason.

 

The final reason why I truely believe that you’ve got things wrong is this:

 

*It’s the internet. It’ll never work out.

Maybe all of what I said above is wrong. Mabye I’m completely wrong. Mabye you really do share something special with her. Even though I really think you’re wrong, I just want to say this final thing.

This is the internet. It’ll never work out.

A relationship is built upon by both parties doing their part. If a couple can’t go on dates, then the relationship is doomed to fail. Why you might ask?

Going on a date allows for both to feel relaxed and comfortable with each other. You get to know one another better by the things you do. A simple game of Tennis or a walk through the park has you learn something new about your partner. You are interacting. Going on dates helps fortify the concept of living together. If you’re able to get along with each other, then it helps prove the idea that you’ll probably be just fine living together.

You two can’t go on dates. You know why.

A relationship is built upon by expressing your love. This can range from simple hugs to candy to talking to  marriage to sex to jewelry to buying a moon . . . it all depends on the guy and girl.

Simply writing love notes in the form of messages isn’t going to do much. That isn’t to say it wouldn’t express love, rather the absence of physically being wounds it. Being off on vacation for a few weeks and sending a few letters would work because in the end, the girl will see the guy when he comes back.

In your case, she won’t see you.

A relationship requires that the couple actually speak to one another, not in the form of words, rather in actual audiable speech.

When a couple can’t speak to one another in person, they usually talk on the phone. A phone is vey helpful in a relationship because it allows for both parties to speak to each other. When a couple can’t speak to each other via phone, then they communicate by message. [B]That is the final resort.[/B]

You can’t keep a relationship open because you are communicating by through the last resort. That’s like trying your best to play Brawl against someone on WiFi when the connection is red and a 2 minute match turns into a 10 minute match. It simply cannot due. Why bother trying to keep a candle alive when you’re in the Arctic with the wind blowing like crazy. There is simply no point.

 

Don’t bother with the candle. Find a gas lantern instead in the meadow or city. Wherever.

If you find a girl, in person, that you really like . . . then there’s a much better chance that things will last. The fire will be kept nice and safe in the lantern. All you have to worry about is not breaking the lantern.

Trying to keep a candle alive in the wind is almost impossible to accomplish. Don’t follow a pipedream where you believe, “I know I can make it work. I just need to do this and this and everything will be alright. I just know it will.”

 

You know better than that, Shadw. I’m positive you do.

 

The internet is a great place. Forums are a great place to make new friends, but don’t expect to find a girlfriend here, buddy. Not even Anime has that happen.

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